


Ty-Ty the Dog

by MoreHuman



Series: The Dog [3]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Dogs, Ficlet, Fluff and Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22193143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoreHuman/pseuds/MoreHuman
Summary: Alexis and Ted dogsit.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Theodore "Ted" Mullens/Alexis Rose
Series: The Dog [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1596469
Comments: 54
Kudos: 218





	Ty-Ty the Dog

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goodmorninglovelies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodmorninglovelies/gifts).



> I left this rated G, but be aware that it contains the tamest little reference to dirty talk that you could imagine.

The puppy is cute?

The puppy is so, so cute.

“Ted, this puppy is so, so cute,” Alexis coos, because he is and Ted should know. “His ears are, like, softer than that baby chinchilla Justin Bieber abandoned at the airport in Taipei.”

“Okay, Alexis, can we focus please?”

David’s being very David about this whole thing. Which wouldn’t be surprising, except that he hates dogs. He’s always hated dogs. When she was eight, he refused to take her to see the live-action 101 Dalmatians because he “didn’t want to support the industry.” The industry of dogs. Which was good, actually, for the puppies of the world, because he probably would have imprinted on Glenn Close’s Cruella Deville as his fashion idol and started coveting the most high-contrast of them for their coats.

Alexis tries to tell the puppy all of this with her eyes. He scoots his butt a little closer on the floor and rests his blocky head one one of her knees. He gets it.

“I _am_ focused, David.”

“Then what did I just say?”

“You just told me to focus.”

“No, before that.”

“Before what?”

“Before I told you to focus!”

“Well, how should I know? I wasn’t focused yet, David, god!”

Alexis is still looking at the puppy, but by this point in her life she can see her brother throwing up his hands without actually _seeing_ him throw up his hands, you know?

“So this was a mistake,” David groans. “Maybe we just cancel our trip.”

“Well, David,” Patrick says in his _I’m soft, but I’m laying the smackdown_ voice (the same one The Rock used to use all the time). “Given that our booking at the bed and breakfast is non-refundable, I think that’s a bit of an extreme reaction. Besides, Ted is here.”

Now Alexis does look up, because Ted.

“Don’t worry, brother,” Ted says, putting a hand on David’s shoulder and looking into his eyes. “I’ve got you.”

Aw. He’s so sweet.

“Aw,” she says. “You’re so sweet, babe. Don’t worry, David, Ted will take good care of little Ty-Ty here.”

David loathes this nickname, but he ignores her and doesn’t even make a show of ignoring her. He must be serious about this.

“I just need you to understand,” he says, looking Ted dead in the face, “that this is not one of your plebeian mongrel patients.”

“I do understand that,” Ted answers, steadfast. S-Ted-fast. Oooh, she’s saving that for later.

“Okay, but I– I need you to say it.”

“I understand that this is not one of my plebeian mongrel patients. He’s special.” Ted puts his second hand on David’s other shoulder for good measure, and it wilts the tension right out of him. “Now go on to your romantic weekend.”

David’s already wrestling something out of his day bag. After a few seconds, his hand emerges holding a huge leather-bound folder, which he holds it out to Ted. Alexis can see multi-colored tabs sticking out from between the pages. Gross.

“This is Typo’s binder. Everything you need to know is in there.” David cuts his eyes in her direction, which seems uncalled for. “There’s even a page right on top especially for Alexis.”

“You–” Patrick’s eyes are boggling. “You put that together?”

“I told you I was making a binder.”

“Yeah.” He’s gone a little breathless, poor thing. Like the horniest nerd in the school supplies aisle. “I just didn’t realize it would be so… thick.”

Alexis’s mouth pulls in a few different directions about this. On the one hand Patrick sounds like someone who wouldn’t be at all thrown off by dirty talk about a scanner thing, but on the other hand that dirty talk is happening with her brother, and on the third hand, ew.

Patrick says goodbye to the puppy, kissing him right on the nose and saying “Be good” and “I love you,” and Alexis could just melt into a puddle.

Then it’s David’s turn and he just kind of… pats him on the head, looking into his eyes and blinking back tears in some pathetic Morse code. Except Alexis knows Morse code, she learned it that one time she was boarded by pirates in the East China Sea, and what David’s blinking is gibberish.

“Your dads are weird,” Alexis says to Ty-Ty, once they’re gone. “But they love you. Both of them.”

The dog grunts and offers up his belly in agreement.

“Babe. Did I ever tell you,” Ted grins wide, “that I fixed this Typo?”

“You did, babe, and I’m so proud of you.” Alexis beams back. Then she peeks at the first page of the puppy binder, just to see–

**_ALEXIS, MY DOG IS NOT A TAMAGOTCHI_ **

The taillights of the car are all the way down the street by the time she crosses to the window and flings it open, but she shouts “Ugh, David, rude!” after them anyway. 

**Author's Note:**

> For goodmorninglovlies, who gifted me with the premise and, most importantly, the binder.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Ty-Ty the Dog](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28239654) by [GoLBPodfics (GodOfLaundryBaskets)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodOfLaundryBaskets/pseuds/GoLBPodfics)




End file.
